Nothing like getting a head start on those kicky resolutions, eh? Usually, I just make-up crap. Like, 90 percent of everything I say is bogus and resolutions are no different. But I’m going to try to be sincere and genuine in my 2017 self-promises.
1. I’m going to honest-to-God, really and truly try to be less judgmental this year. I said try. Apparently, this is my biggest character flaw, although I say I’m just spirited and opinionated. Is there a difference? Tomato/Tomahto. But when you hear it from more people than just your husband, I think you should maybe pay attention. So I will attempt to be less judgy this year.
Are you wearing that today?
2. It’s no secret that I like to be the center of attention. There are many philosophies as to why this is, but I think I just like being the center of attention. If a conversation is veering away from me as the subject matter, I tend to renegotiate the direction back to myself. It is such a personality deficit and yet I continue. One time, my boss/friend Anne was in her office discussing someone else’s life, for which I have no patience, and I literally walked into her office and laid down on the floor. Who does that? Me. It’s me. That’s who. I swear I will stop that nonsense this year.
Is everyone listening to me?!
3. I vow to be more detail-oriented! I promise to finish one task before beginning another; to complete one thought before the next one takes over the string of the last one. This will also make me less scatter-brained and more aware of my surroundings. Maybe this resolve will also help me find the turnpike instead of getting on Route 81 and ending up in Bloomsburg, instead of Mount Pocono. Oh look, snow and peanut butter chiffon!
4. My sister, Jennifer, tells me I have issues with being unfiltered in my thoughts and actions. No. Freaking. Kidding. She’s met me, right? She’s known me almost since in utero! What did she expect would change after all these years? Silly girl. When I threw her Giggles doll down the cellar steps and yelled: “Take that you cackling b*&^%,” she should’ve known that all the decades to follow would be more of the same. Listen, I’ve never thrown a human being down the stairs. Yet. Nancy is perched precariously on the metaphorical upper step, however, and it can occur at any given moment. Still. I know my big, fat mouth has often been an embarrassment to my family, and for that, I’m truly sorry and I’ll try to fine-tune what I espouse. Except for this election, which spews from my mouth like bad shrimp and which I cannot seem to control. Sigh. I’ll try. No, I won’t.
5. Finally, I resolve to be a better person. As the old joke goes: “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person,” because I attempt to crack this nut every January, and yet, here I sit, still the same judgy, self-centered, attention seeking, filter-less problem I’ve always been. Though, as superstar Jennifer Lawrence said recently: “Not everyone likes me. But not everyone matters.” I concur. I just care if I like myself. And, I conclude that I ain’t that bad! And there I go again: Me! Me! Me!
Happy 2017 from me! It’s going to be a long year. Stay away from the cellar steps.
