I recently came across the definition of a Virgo, which I am. It goes like this…
“I’m not shy. I’m a noticer. I am a thinker. I’m an observer. I’m not stuck up. I’m not anti-social. I treasure my solitude. I’m not a fan of small talk. I prefer a few close friends. I am reserved until I’m not. appreciate true connection. If we connect, you matter to me.”
This is probably the best definition of who I am. What it doesn’t say is I have been suffering from Imposter Syndrome since I was 10 years old.
For many, many years, in fact, decades, before I knew it had a name.
When I was 12 years old, I played Little League baseball at West Pittston. In my last year, I threw a no-hitter, led the league in home runs, and made all-stars, yet I can’t say I enjoyed one minute of it.
Why? Because no matter what I achieved, I felt I was going to be discovered as a phony, a fake, and I thought people could see right through me.
Having Imposter Syndrome has stopped me from advancing in my career or whatever I may have been doing over the years.
Part of being a Virgo is being a perfectionist. You know what I mean, fellow Virgos?
No matter how hard I try, I never feel it’s good enough, and when people recognize it’s not good enough — that’s when I feel I’m going to be found out to be a fake.
I have family members always telling me my writing is good, my photos are good, and I do a good job. I guess the old saying is true, “I am my own worst critic.”
As I’ve been aging throughout the years, I’ve learned to live with Impostor Syndrome, but it’s tough at times.
The funny thing is, for as much as I feel like a phony, I am in a field when I don’t get feedback immediately. Hell, sometimes I write and shoot photos and my never get any feedback, and I’m okay with that. I don’t have an ego that I need the feedback for satisfaction. If anything, the feedback I seek is making someone happy with what I did.
For me, it’s all about making people happy. I derive so much pleasure by doing a good job for others.
I’ve been lucky to help the community and make people happy in a little way through my words or my photo work.
All these years, I’ve been thinking I started this column in December 1999, when it was actually November 19, 2000. As a matter of fact, I could swear on a stack of Bibles it was 1999.
What I do remember is saying I wasn’t interested in writing a weekly column because who would really care what I have to say? I can’t even get my own family to listen to me.
The other reason for saying no was my impossible to deal with, Impostor Syndrome.
Eventually, after some deductive reasoning, the monthly heat bill, and some convincing by my friend Russell Johnson, aka The Professor from Gilligan’s Island, I said yes.
I was only asked to write 300 to 400 words weekly and that scared the crap out of me. My former English teachers were probably cringing when they saw my first column.
Eventually, those 300 words turned into over 1,200 every week, taking up an entire Sunday Dispatch page. Fun fact: I’ve cut down 1,200 words to exactly 950 each week. Yep, for many years now, my column is exactly 950 each week.
In that very first column, I said I called the column “My Corner, Your Corner” because I couldn’t write the column alone and I didn’t want to; I needed input and help from readers.
I also wrote about “Arena, Yes!” How could we forget the public battle on whether or not an arena should be built. I was an “Arena, Yes!” guy, and it’s safe to say, 25 years later, the arena has been one of the best assets to hit Wyoming Valley.
I wrote about a pen pal from Taiwan, the annual Pittston Area/Wyoming Area game, and my friend Russell Johnson.
Since the internet was a novelty at the time, I mentioned some interesting websites, a get-well wish, and a missing cat in the Suscon area. I hope they found the cat.
Oh yeah, I also wrote about a vanity license plate I saw on the local streets saying, “HE PAYS.”
I’ve come a long way from that first column, apparently 25 years ago, so that makes this my 1,300th column.
Once I because a columnist, I was giving writing assignments to cover and a photography career began shortly thereafter.
Outside of the column, I’ve written close to 3,000 articles covering tons of subjects. I’ve written so many articles, when I come across one from the early days, I may read it before I realize it’s mine.
I’ve gotten to be front and center at photo sporting events, with celebrities, and many elected officials, including the last several PA Governors, and three U.S. Presidents.
Bottom line: I’m grateful for this career, making many of you happy along the way, and remember, if we connected, you matter to me.
Quote of the week
“The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.” —Anaiis Nin
Thought of the week
“Writing is easy. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” —Red Smith
Bonus quote
“When something can be read without effort, great effort has gone into its writing.” —Enrique Jardiel Poncela
Bumper sticker
“Writing is thinking on paper.” —William Zinsser
