We’ve all held a grudge at one point or another in our lives, I know I have. My biggest grudge has been against my ex-husband and I’ve been holding it for 25-plus years.

You know what they say, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” How true it is. I came to the realization that it was time to let go and stop dwelling on things I can’t control. I’ve been striving for less negativity in my life, and there’s nothing more negative than a grudge.

If you’ve been harboring resentment against an overbearing sibling, an uncaring friend, a bullying boss, or an unfaithful ex, you know what I mean. It might be the opportune time to realize that every relationship is going to have some disappointment or disagreement over time and to let go of your grudge for your own health and peace of mind.

Grudges in families

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Although grudges can be held with many different people, the conflict between relatives is the worst.

Fighting or disagreeing with parents or siblings is one thing, holding a grudge is another. The entire family loses when it comes to a grudge. I’ve seen this happen in many friends’ families, and also within my own extended family. Family members become estranged, and you can never get that lost time back. Family grudges can be complex. Disagreements may force family members to choose sides, resulting in a ripple effect beyond the original disagreement. Stubbornness can ruin relationships for a lifetime.

A family grudge may also leave a lasting impression on children who may begin to experience their own negative emotions. If this is happening in your family, ask yourself if the hostility is worth it. It may be time to let go for the sake of the next generation. We forget how important it is to forgive, especially when it comes to family.

Recognize the power of forgiveness

It’s time to let go of the bitterness. Grudges and anger can have a negative effect on your health.

They can lead to a higher level of stress and anxiety, as well as loss of sleep. With forgiveness comes healing. Releasing the anger can bring you inner peace and a sense of freedom. Forgiveness means consciously choosing to let go of your hostility toward the person who hurt you.

Understand that the person who hurt you may never own up to their part in the grudge. Begin by acknowledging the hurt. Whether you did or said something hurtful to someone else, or someone hurt you, accept it. Swallow your pride and apologize, or take the first step towards reconciliation, even if you don’t think you were wrong.

If you’re still feeling unsure, try to approach the conflict with a clear head and initiate a conversation about your feelings. Being more aware of another’s feelings may make it easier to forgive. It doesn’t have to mean you condone the wrong that was done, but rather are willing to forgive and move forward. When initiating working to get past your differences, you may find your relative is as eager as you to put the past behind you. You will be giving yourself a gift by freeing yourself from the negativity.

Why do we hold grudges so long? It becomes a habit and bad habits are hard to break. Don’t waste your time being angry or hurt. It’s time to free yourself from the chains of a grudge.

This quote may help:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and realize the prisoner was you.” — Anonymous

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Ruth Corcoran is a professional marketer, former restaurant owner, and community advocate. She resides in Bear Creek. Readers can reach Ruth by emailing ruth@corcoranpr.com.